2. Wake Up on CP Time
First, let’s wake up on CP time with Solange.
alright. alright. let’s dive in.
So, I fly to LA to stand by my friend’s side as she marries her best friend. When i tell you it was the most beautiful wedding…it was! How could you not feel the love between these too inspiring the hearts of everyone bearing witness of their genuine and authentic love? ahhh. totally reliving the moment.but wait. there’s another love story within this love story. remember.. hearts were inspired.
hmm.. before we get into that. what do you think captures a man’s heart? beauty? maybe. but i think it’s the essence of a woman. that moment that moves your spirit into your body, but simultaneously outside of it because it feels connected to.
her.
& i think my essence captured the heart of the man of my hour. so let’s get into it. we meet at the bar, but our eyes met in earlier moments. i felt the invisible pull & was rather assured that he’d find his way to me. & for as many times as he needed to. as we shared compliments & “nice to meet you.” i reminded him that i saw him two years ago at his sister’s graduation…… and. he doesn’t remember ever seeing me. OFFENDED. because i know damn well i didn’t forget that face. that presence. that energy. smiles in disappointment and walks away. again. reassured that he’d find his way back. to my surprise, he throws a wrench and sends his mother to put a bug in my ear. my heart feels the intensity of his longing. my heart is smiling. flattered and humbled. concurrently. I’m thinking, “ Who? me? what? why?” & the fellow bridesmaids are hyping this up even more (Omg what if Cinderella had sisters who were like yessss bihhhh omg the Prince wants you 😝.. haha a version I wanna see) but i’m also thinking… i’m sincerely not his type.
It’s time for the bride to toss the bouquet, and no lie.. i swear God had it coming towards me, but someone taller and who wanted it more grabbed it. happy for her - of course. but to no surprise. guess who grabbed the garter belt? the man of my hour.
so what does that mean? you tell me. haha. anywho, we find our way to one another throughout the night. but i must leave to fellowship with the other bridesmaids when city girls comes on. of course. as we reunite, again & again. The chemistry is intense. a blind man can see it. but the sounds of the wobble interrupted us and summoned me to the dance floor. my non-wobbling partner tried to learn it. let’s say, An ‘A’ for effort with extra credit for the potential embarrassment he could care less about. For all he knew was - I wanted to dance & he wanted me.
it didn’t look shit like this GIF, only half the rhythm was there… but we get the vibe. right? As the night is coming to an end, we agree on a breakfast date. after the wedding, along with a few other bridesmaids, we get locked out of the house. The moment the key didn’t fit, i get this text:
because apparently, God has other plans for my night. So we’re off to where the groomsmen are. we link up. & i offer for us to spend the night there. we could just sleep on the floor because i’m pretty relaxed. shit happens. his affirmative response, “You’re with me. You’ll never sleep on a floor ever again in your life.” my hand settles on my heart. i pause. i blink a few times. i’m stuck. i’m smiling. caught by surprise. i don’t have a thing to say back, butt “oohh oh okay.” & we’re off to the hotel. as we’re in transit, i fall asleep in his lap. as the car is turning right and turning left, unconsciously, he held my legs to make sure i was comfortable and okay. i felt very safe and protected in his presence.
as we’re at the hotel, we’re talking. we’re dancing. to raveena’s new album. we’re lost in one another’s eyes. he’s in love with my freckles peaking behind the makeup. I love the shape of his head. he’s very beautiful. his eyes are soft and pure. as if he’s never been heartbroken before. he keeps telling me how beautiful my eyes are & i reassure him that he’s simply gazing at himself. for whatever he likes in me, is something he loves of himself. my eyes simply the mirror. he seems so peaceful in my prescence while i feel safe in his.
next thing i know, i start hearing music with no melodies greeting my ears. he’s rubbing my belly as if there’s a baby in it and offering to put a ring on it first. butterflies. that aren’t even flying because i feel grounded in this. the music keeps playing, "Where have you been my whole life? I don’t want to live another day without you. Move to LA. drive one of my cars. i’ll help you do whatever you want to do.” nigga what. You don’t even know me. “But i know how i feel & i’ve never felt like this before.” mad crazy. because i feel that. i don’t know him like that, but I know how i feel. for i’ve been living in my body my entire life & feel very safe. secured. and connected in his presence and by his words.
but i constantly remind him to be present and to not live with me tomorrow. there’s no need to rush what’s inevitably going to happen. but he’s a planner. and is looking forward to telling the story of how me met. so i ask him to tell me our story:
“Two years ago, you saw me at my sister’s graduation ( I was intrigued). I didn’t see you because i was with someone, but today I’m single & I only saw you and had my eye on you all night. Everything happens the way it’s suppose to. i told my people i would do anything to have you.”
I’m blushing and in total cahoots with this sh.t. although, trying to seem as if I’m not. someone has to seem a little logical ya know. lmao. he continues to say, “ i know you’re a good person. you’re in my sister’s wedding. my mom already likes you. when i saw my dad hug you and kiss you on the cheek, i just knew.”
Me in my brain: jdefuygsdkfhijaiufhsjdfkijai gvewfouhjowijikighij wa iwhfijrd fief eufoi uf uaehfuiajfois
We’re at his house now, and i’m going to skip a detail that i’ll put in the next post. but we’re vibing. i take a nap and don’t want to go out because i need to catch up on rest from traveling and being a bridesmaid.
Later, I get out the shower to be greeted with a beautiful dinner, wine, and rom com. a favorite. i felt safe. honored. no armor. at home in my body with someone else. comfort. we swayed under candlelight to the sounds of orange moon by the queen, ms. badu. it was perfect. until it wasn’t.
because i felt so comfortable - i became uncomfortable. & began to build walls that didn’t exist before. fear became my friend in this moment. i ran away while he was closest to me. there’s that fear of intimacy creeping up before me.