Precious Triggers

hi guys. she’s back (in my sexi redd voice) because she loves a good blog. & it’s sunday evening. a time for writing. not football. & i’m so proud of myself. because i’ve passed THE test. i’ve decided to test my nervous system to see if a b.tch would get 🔫 triggered. gun to her head. why? how? EMDR therapy & i’m going to scream to the mountain tops about it. call me the EMDR ambassador. & again, EMDR therapy is a trauma therapy that helps you reprocess (girl you gotta relive it omg) traumatic experiences so that your nervous system won’t be stimulated in real time like it’s (the trauma) happening again. so, how did I test myself? you asked. i got answers.

girl, i rewatched Precious again. omg. when i say nightmare. i mean it. when i use to watch precious my nervous system use to be shot tf up. i would be extremely tense. terrified. stressed. as if Monique was screaming at me saying, “You're a dummy, bitch! You will never know shit! Don't nobody want you, don't nobody need you!” throwing that shoe at me. from the screen. the big tv. telling me she wished she never had me. because that was my life once upon a time. me and precious have walked similar paths in those daughter streets. which is also why i am sooo confused when the girls be hating on me. red handed. talking about how is she in vogue? who does she think she is? girl, you don’t know my story. it’s the resilience in me. it’s the love inside. i built it brick by brick. myself. you can’t buy it in stores, honey. anyways, back to my good sister precious. i watched it a few months ago. i didn’t die this time. i didn’t have any of those trauma responses. i just watched a movie. i didn’t feel like the 7 year old girl whose mom was literally trying to kill her. i reprocessed those things with my therapist doing EMDR therapy. i weeped for her. i grieved those lost years in childhood. when my girlhood turned into motherhood. i relived them.

i healed. & was reminded why i got into social work. to help girls. like me.like the many women who helped me.

& i think one of the hardest things i had to do in this process was allow myself to be a real victim. it was really hard. unfortunately, i have used those lost years as inspiration to mold myself to be a good person who is kind and loving to others. i never sat with it long enough to not run away from someone who is trying to love me in the ways i love everyone. but i did it this time. it was hard. talk about emotional labor. mary magdalena.

next, not too much bc i know y’all dont spin the block on your ex like that. but here we are. & recently, i got a little triggered about something, but the way i handled it today vs last year. she’s a new girl. she’s focused on therapy. very demure. very classy. emotionally healthy. because last year, if my feelings were hurt or i percieved my feelings being hurt on the horizon. get in boyfriend. we’re taking a joy ride to hell. emotional purgatory.& i’m going tf awwwwwf. i would eat him and spit him out. the devil who wears prada. emotional abuse. real bad. because as high as i can take you with my love, i can kill your soul in hell. but instead of doing that, i passed the test. i emotionally regulated. i sat with my feelings myself. went to the park. touched some grass. logically assessed the situation. looked at the problem as an issue instead of him as a perpetrator. expressed myself so we could find a solution instead of turning into a volatile, manipulating b.itch. who is she? very mindful. very demure. very not crazy. very emotionally sound. s/o to him because he sees the growth firsthand like no other.

so ladies. gents. we’ve reached the end. & I’m gonna scream this to the mountaintop. if you have some trauma. try EMDR therapy. heal your nervous system. put the trigger on the triggers. send them to hell. rebirth yourself. bc you can be the sweetest & most loving person with the greatest intentions. the rose that grew from the concrete, but you have to acknowledge one day that… that’s not normal. you shouldn’t have to grow in concrete. you deserve soil. repot yourself. because i have succeeded in many areas of my life, but i have always failed in being an emotionally healthy partner (when i’m emotionally available). so yeah, i hope this inspired someone reading this. love you. & to all. a good day. Pray for kanye west, brittany renner, and justin beiber.