Happy Mother’s Day

Hi guys, Happy Mother’s Day.

Grandma

i love this photo i took of her.

I have a few women in my life who have blessed me with their motherly affection & love. but today, I am writing about my original creator. my mother. I just got this really sweet text from my friend. It made me think about how much i miss my mom & grandma.

you know how the saying goes, nobody loves you like your mother? realest thing i’ve ever heard.

it was 2017, and i was riding in my blue beetle to my fancy case management job where i was serving our elderly population. that job stressed me out so bad. it wasn’t the people bc i love helping, but 30 in a day? that was crazy. anyways, i’m riding round & i’m getting it. on the highway. & out of nowhere. my car stopped in the middle. of. the. highway. no, like stopped. in. the. middle. of. the. highway. no over exaggeration. one lane to the right & two to the left. i freaked out. i was so scared & i knew it was my last day on earth. because howwww sway? i have footage. let me find it. wait. i couldn’t find it. but anyway, I call my step-mom. because she’s a smart a woman. she knows what to do. i was freaking out of course & she said, “you’re an adult. figure it out.” i swear, her & my dad loved to tell me that. so i called my mom. & i knew damn well she could not help me. but she did provide me with emotional support. she freaked out on the phone. coulnd’t believe her baby was stuck in the middle of the damn highway. like my car didn’t even forewarn me to pull over. her emotional support gave me the will to not give up because i did lose hope. i want to repeat this again, i was in the middle of the highway.not the side. & as my mother freaked out on the phone and got my grandmother riled up, a miracle happened. i guess God felt her panic attack and worry. or maybe a prayer. because a car pulled up behind me. turned his hazards lights on to make sure other cars didn’t hit me. put his life on the line for me. was he an angel? i love men. where would i be without them? obviously not alive. now, with the combination of emotional support & now physical support from the dangers around me, my mind is a little more clear. & i thought to call the most logical man i know. Brandon Pascal. he told me to call the Illinois somebody. green truck. if you know. you know. & they picked me up about 15 minutes later.

& to my surprise, my mother & grandmother were waiting at the exit ramp for me. in a taxi because they didn’t know how to use Uber.

idk how much it cost my mom to do that, but they were there. happy to see me alive. happy to see me okay. her and my grandmother were celebrating like a man whose favorite team won the NFL. i mean SuperBowl. it was a celebration. & my mom so graciously thanked the man who pulled up behind me & the man who saved me & my car. i felt extremely emotionally supported in this high stress situation that honestly could have ended a girl.

i was preggo in this photo & i was trying to hide it from her. idk how her and my grandma knew.

& I miss having a mom & a grandma. i miss being loved. intimately. my skin is your skin. I miss the way my eyes lit up when I saw them. I miss the way their eyes lit up when they saw me. i miss her voice. i miss sitting on my grandmother’s lap. i’ll never forget the day i got to wash her feet. i miss the chaos of those two. i miss feeling bonded in that way. i miss not being alone. you know how they say jesus walks with you? well, i felt like my mom always walked with me. only one call away for celebration. tears or omg mom you won’t believe thisssssss. she lived vicaroulsy through me. my wins were her wins. my heartbreaks were hers too. I will never forget when she called the police on me & Brandon lmaoooooo. that’s another story.

i think i like being around kids so much because I get to tap into my mother’s love. give affection and care. about the little things & big things and everything in between. being a god mom soothed my soul in so many dimensions. maybe i should have my own kid, but i have my kitties. & grandma, i’m still not wearing a bra. although i need to because these are not A cups anymore. dorothy, we’re not in Kansas anymore. once you know the comfort of not wearing one for 10 years, it’s hard to go back.

i miss what she taught me about love by living life with her. how messy it is. & tough, but bonded through love. it’s an agreement to hold someone’s hand through life. but for now, i will continue to walk in her footsteps by picking folks up on the side of the road. helping others. & giving. because no matter how much she had or didn’t, she always gave.

i will say tho, i miss how loving i use to be. i lost so much love in my life, i don’t give it away as freely anymore. here’s a pict of my step-mom, sister, and me from previous mother day shoots. i love them too.