She’s NOT outside
she’s retired. auntie tired. been partying since i was 13. sis had an eventful life. from the streets to the house. that’s me. what a transition b.tch because i’m an outside gwirlllll, but she had to trade the streets for therapy because she might be the problem in her own life. ya know. trauma. yes, for growth tho. yes, for sacrifice. cause i be bored AF. omg. no lie. it’s just me. my thoughts. & whoever calls me. ya know. why? because when i’m living an eventful life connected to others, my therapy sessions tend to transition to life updates and kikis instead of deep healing trauma work. to remedy that, I cut distractions out of my life & live the life of a monk with the exception of weekends here and there. with no updates. i focus on healing that shot up nervous system of mine. baow, baow, baow, baow, baow, but i go out like 1x a week maybe 1x every 2 weeks for social interactions ya know. that’s important besides working at coffee shops. November was kinda lit tho. why was i outside 4x in a month? lord. sis is shutting it down in december.
but am i flirt? yes. am i a good time? of course, but also, i’m a ghost in the wind. you’ll never see me again unless it’s by the grace of god. y’all are not distracting me from healing; plus, I’m a villain & I’m not breaking hearts. i’m trying to heal from that. like the trail of tears, i got a trail of black men’s brokens hearts. burn me at the stake. i deserve it. apology tour soon. until then, salem witch trials where you at? bring em back.
nonetheless. you negros are in your VILLAN era. well, i guess you’re always on demon time. so the math is mathing. but being on a date… and asking someone else for her number. diabolical. rude, & everything in between. poor girl. she was just watching us have a conversation and saw him get my number. wow. very crazy. but also i was with my friend. so wtf. platonic. i checked out his IG and apparently he has a clothing line & ms Badu models for him. i saw the pics. he asked me to join the next shoot. we’ll see. God’s timing. divine timing. not mine. i be on my badu energy so i guess it was ment to connect.
anyways, next. also. what? texting be giving y’all away because y’all can’t write to save your life. & he’s a teacher. the future is doomed. now, did i do too much? maybe. am i flirt? yes. did we have fun… of course. i’m fun. wait…background info. i be going out alone & i just meet men when i’m out. fairly easy concept and free night to grasp. but i’m honest about being a ghost in the wind & the fact that they will never see me again. Most people can’t respect my solitude boundaries, so i don’t even jump in. can’t say yes to a date. sorryyy. stop calling meeeee young one.
but then again, sometimes the universe has to remind me: honey, you will be dealt with. cause a lot of these men are crazy & i be forgetting. because i’ve accepted it as such truth. but when i’m reminded i be like ohhh yeah. yeahhh. i forgot. thank god i didn’t get my a.s beat or something worse. i remember when a guy threw me down the stairs bc i wouldn’t do the grown up. Anyway, to discover an undercover red pill content n.gga in the wild was wild, tho. i thought they only existed on the internet. crashing out over a girl you met 3 hours ago is insane. where the real n.ggas at?
i know. my ex. or exes. or the one’s i didn’t commit to but enjoy their company. my favorites. the ones I have heart connections to who don’t try to clip my free-spirited wings and give them a stage to dance on. you are appreciated. forever. i hope the mesmerization you have for me never fades away. & i cry to my ex about these crazy situations i get myself in or my intense deep healing therapy sessions that i can’t stop crying from. he’s always there. reminding me to be safe & stay in the house until he’s there to protect me. luckily his mother lives down the street. gives me the emotional connection I crave, topped with help in any way needed. but we live in different cities, so i see him when he visits & still get to focus on. me. healing. crying. no distractions but still love in the air. sweet.
but every now & then, i meet someone who has me thinking twice, but i have to stick to my goals. coffee date is still insane tho. but homeshake was even crazier. you can read more about this here. y’all need to stand up. because i heard this was normal.
but s/o to my favorite protector and friend who shares his extremely exciting dating life with me. you are appreciated in every form of the word! haha love you for lifeeeeeeeeeee. but that’s november’s recap. december will not be written in the stars. but remember it’s easy to be distracted in a world where everyone is looking for distractions. it’s hard to stay focused. toodles.