What is This?
Oh nooooo! Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. You know what that means? Tragic has struck. no really, but damn. kinda feels like it. sn: wtf do i be writing? just any oh thing that comes to mind. but back to it. focus. back to tragedy. but not really because I really did heal my nervous system. & omg. i can’t fall asleep to the sweet sounds of law & order svu anymore. omg. i’m crying. because is this a new life i’m living? I’m not sure if I want it anymore. because I LOVE LAW AND ORDER SVU. the sounds of Olivia Benson’s sweet voice literally soothed my soul as she caught murders, r*pist, and other convicts while providing a listening ear to victims and a lullaby to me since the 90’s. i’ve known her my whole life. longer than my mother. you’re probably reading this like girl wtf are you talking about? hold up. wait a minute. let me tell you.
i saw this video once & i was like hmmmm. heavily relatable. & it stated: if you like falling asleep to crime shows it’s because your nervous system is use to traumatic tingggggsssssss so it’s kinda soothing to you. yikes. i’m caught red handed. lock me up officer. cause i am guilty as charged. meow.
ding ding ding. we have a winner. chicken dinner. i hope you hear my giggle as i’m writing this. hehehe. but i did indeed do that serious trauma counseling. it was intense AF. OMG. talk about scary. scarier than SVU. i deserve a sticker. no actually a brand new car. cause what? i won. EMDR therapy. remember? i still have to tell ya all about it, but we’ll do that later. every.day in subtle.ways, i am reminded of how much i have healed this little nervous system of mine. good girl! yes, i am a good girl. because I indeed. i.in.fact. can not fall asleep to the sweet melodies of law and order anymore. is this the truman show? get me outta here. because the trauma and the drama of law and order actually disrupts my sleep now. it disturbs me. not on a soul level, but my nervous system no longer feels safe with crime tv. it actually makes me uncomfortable. i usually watch it like it’s a case study & i’m just learning things. fun fact, if you love psychology, law and order svu actually has quite a few episodes based on psychological case studies that happened in real life. every time i watch that one episode based off what happened to Kitty Genovese it get’s me down. y’all indeed need to stop minding your business and call the police. ring. ring. ring. 911i am calling to report a crime. that bystander effect be going crazy.!!! get it together. didn’t jesus tell you to love your neighbor? so do it.
Make it stand out
i’m at such peace, i have nothing to run away from. not even myself. shall i clip my free-spirited rings and stick to structure? i would need help with that let’s not go too far lol. even after a day of spreading sunshine, i can no longer find comfort at night with SVU. i guess my night has turned into day. omg like Alaska in the summer. if Olivia will not sing me to sleep, i guess I will find comfort in the stillness of night. i love that for me. the new me. i told y’all rip me out the plastic i been acting brand new. rip to my inner drama queen. you were a good time girl. miss you for life. haven’t cursed or yelled at man in over 6 months. i miss the old Kanye. but it’s a new day.